Is visitation after an adoption a good idea?

Once you start exploring the idea of adoption, you begin to face lots of decisions. One of those decisions is whether or not to ask for visits with your child after the placement is done and baby is home with the adopting mommy and daddy. And like most things in adoption, there is no one size fits all answer. Every adoption creates a unique relationship. But for most women, visits with your child are a very good idea.

Look at it this way. You’ve spent a lot of time searching for the exact right family. You’ve thought about whether or not adoption is the best choice for your baby. You’ve worried about whether or not the adoptive family will do what they promise. You’ve worried about what your child will think of you someday. Having visits with your baby as they are growing up is very healing. It helps take some of those worries away. You can see for yourself how things are going.

On the other hand, visits can be hard. You may feel anxiety, or anger, or sadness when thinking about a visit. And that’s ok too. You may not be ready. No one knows you better than you. You might find comfort in pictures and video chatting. It’s back to the no one size fits all approach!

So what is the biggest reason to have visits with your child after the adoption? Because children who grow up knowing they are adopted deserve to know about their history, and that history includes the people who created them! That history includes you! The adoptive parents can tell your child all about you, but telling about someone and actually knowing someone are completely different things.

Adoptive families working with the Adoption Support Center understand that a child’s history is important to a child who joins their family through adoption. They also understand your connection to your child. As your relationship develops, you and the adoptive parents will navigate the visit decision together. Is visitation after an adoption a good idea? You be the judge.


And then there’s HIM…

Did you know that an individual’s fingerprints are formed and set around the halfway point in pregnancy? Those little ridges on the tips of your fingers are completely unique. No one has a set that looks like yours, and there will never be another set the same as your baby’s in the future.

Every person is unique—as we know from our fingerprints. Even identical twins do not share the same fingerprints! Not only is each person unique, each pregnancy is unique. Every situation, every aspect, every set of family members, every set of friends, every job, every home, well, pretty much EVERYTHING, is unique. This includes the father of the baby…who he is, how involved he is, what he thinks of the relationship he is in and what he hopes for the baby. Fatherhood can be a scary proposition, and talk of adoption only makes what is sometimes a tough situation more difficult.

Brittany, Taylor and Heather all chose to place their children for adoption. The relationships they share with the children’s fathers, however, are completely different. Just like their fingerprints, all three women had different answers to the question “What about the birth father?”

Brittany began considering adoption when her boyfriend, Tyler, left her and their other two children to move in with someone else. Taylor and her boyfriend, Lamar, were just out of high school and struggling to make their relationship work. Heather was not certain who the father was and was afraid people would judge her for the way she lived her life.

So what about the birth father? There is no “one size fits all” answer.

What about the birth father? There is a legal answer and there is an emotional answer. The best place to find answers to the legal question is through a lawyer. An adoption lawyer can help navigate the ins and outs of any particular situation.

What about the birth father? The relationship question — that one that involves all the emotions — deserves thorough deliberation. Sorting through the feelings about relationships during a confusing and tricky time with an impartial listener is an excellent place to start to gain clarity.

The Adoption Support Center talk with women like Heather, Brittany and Taylor as they sort through the questions and emotions that are a part of an unexpected pregnancy. They also talk with men like Tyler and Lamar. They approach every person who comes through the door or makes a phone call as uniquely and individually as their fingerprints. In adoption, there is no “one size fits all” answer. The ladies of the Adoption Support Center are ready to listen.