If you haven’t already, check out the blog we wrote about the WHY behind needing to start talking with your child about their adoption story from day one. (Insert link to that blog). Once you understand this important need, continue reading below for some tips/pointers to help you start having these “conversations” with your baby.
Let’s set the scene…Get comfortable. Grab a blanket, settle into your rocker and snuggle your baby close. If you need to, you can have a cheat sheet near you as you start to get comfortable with this language. Shoot, cut and paste the words below onto a notecard and keep it close by in the nursery. You don’t have to have the “right” words or be perfect at this. None of the words below are the “perfect” words. They’re a start. And, that’s all we’re asking of you, is to start practicing these conversations while the stakes are still low.
Gently whisper to your little one, “You grew in your birth mom, Angela’s, tummy. She made the incredibly difficult decision to place you with us. We know that may be hard. You probably miss her a lot. It’s ok. We’re here. She loves you. We love you.”
Or try, “You beautiful baby. You are so loved. Your birth mama, Tiffany, loves you, and we love you, too. We know it may be hard sometimes, being adopted, the loss you experienced and will continue to navigate. But, we’re here. You’re not alone. You’re safe.”
Another option. “Our sweet, sweet baby. Your birth mom, Connie, placed you with us. You are adopted, and that can be tricky sometimes. We know you may feel a lot of things about being adopted as you grow up. You may be happy sometimes and really sad other times. You may feel joy, grief, gratitude, anger, confusion. It’s ok to feel it all. Your feelings don’t scare us. We’ll be here for you always.”
Do this on repeat. It doesn’t have to be every day, but it needs to be regularly. Remember, you are getting comfortable with the language. With speaking your child’s birth mother’s (and hopefully birth father’s, too) name. With telling them it’s ok to miss her and it’s ok to hurt. Your pain is safe here. It’s sacred here. It doesn’t have to be fixed; it can just be felt.