| Birth Moms

Pregnant and Cuffed

Can you place your baby for adoption while in jail? I have been in many hospital rooms while the patient is shackled to her bed with a jail guard close by. “K’s” adoption plan was about to take place. When I walked in, she was cradling her baby as tears ran down her cheeks. She … more »

A Half Truth is a Whole Lie in Adoption

Do I have biological siblings? Modern adoption has layers of emotion, grief, and beauty all mixed up. Adoption affects more than just the birth mom or the parents that adopt the baby. Society leads one to believe that once the papers are signed, everything and everyone is happy and goes on with their lives. The truth … more »

What to do when your child’s adoptive parents “GHOST” YOU

In modern adoption, families create a relationship to be as close as both parties agree to. Relationships take lots of work and ones created through adoption are unlike any other. There is a shared responsibility by each party to come together for the well-being of the adoptee. When connections are lost, or you get “ghosted” … more »

Reasons to Consider Adoption

There are many personal reasons why a woman would choose not to parent her baby. None of them better or worse than another. If you find yourself in a situation where you are considering adoption for your baby, you are not alone. Adoption has changed, pivoted, and began to be about the most important person in the triad-the adoptee. Research shows the children that grow … more »

Reasons to Work With an Adoption Agency

DO I NEED AN ADOPTION AGENCY It wasn’t all that long ago that a woman considering adoption would grab the Yellow Pages, you know that big book everyone used to find a business listing. They would turn to the section “Abortion Alternatives”. They would see many different professionals they could contact via phone and get their answers and concerns voiced. They could feel how they were respected or … more »

Reasonable

“We were told (8 years ago) updating our son’s birth mom once a year is reasonable”. It this reasonable? Yes, I am sure ASC thought it was reasonable 8 years ago! But being an adoptive parent means you must lifelong learners of all thing’s adoption. This is modern adoption. Updating your adoptee’s birth mom annually or only when they request is outdated and unreasonable now, with the numerous ways we can … more »

OLD Acronym Is Slow to DIE

On hospital white boards around the country and deep within adoptee files is the acronym BUFA. “Baby Up For Adoption” This acronym is used to describe a patient who is seeking medical care and is considering adoption. In the patient’s pre-natal medical records, it’s listed where you would put a “complication”, where it says she has high blood pressure or her family history of diabetes, or AMA “Advanced Maternal Age.” When mom is admitted onto the labor floor, “BUFA” is listed next to her name on the active labor board. When a medical provider comes to take care … more »

When you know better.

It’s 1999 and a 23-year-old woman was considering placing her baby for adoption. She was a single mom of two and had her mother’s support to consider adoption. She and her mother were looking at profiles but kept saying the same thing, “nothing clicked”. The adoption coordinator at that time, according to her notes suggested … more »

Let’s Get Uncomfortable!

I hear this phrase at the gym and I find it difficult to get out of my comfort zone. After work, the last thing I want to do is get my heart rate up and sweat. I give a dirty look to the coach but I keep working till my heart rate goes up and … more »

Adoption Language

Language in adoption is constantly changing. And, it varies greatly. Until recently, we had been using the concept of “positive” adoption language. Once we started listening closely and more attentively to birth parents and adoptees, we know there is a problem with referring to adoption language as “positive.” While we and others in the field … more »