Sometimes, the adoption industry moves so fast that I feel dizzy. As a modern and ethical adoption agency, we strive to keep up with current needs from all parts of the triad.
I got a call today that took me back 14 years. She was just 14 and pregnant. She had come to Indiana to live with “Grampy” to escape the rumors of her middle school and the reputation of her middle- income family.
Her mom called me from out of state to fill me in before I headed over to “Grampy’s” house. Sara is quiet and reserved her mom warned me. She also said she is smart, beautiful and wants Sara to feel no pressure to choose adoption.
“Grampy” welcomed me into his home and offered me some brewed iced tea. It was a cool spring day and I had my 4-year-old son with me. It was not unusual for him to be tagging along with me with a bag of match box cars. The distraction of a young boy was just what Sara needed to take some of the pressure off her. She played cars with him and easily answered my questions as my son rolled the yellow bus along the back of the couch and down Sara’s arm.
She was very forthright and honest about sneaking in her boyfriend after her parents were asleep. She said they have a walk out basement and he would wait by the door patiently until she came for him.
I was driving with my son and we got re-routed, due to a water leak and ended up going through a neighborhood that instantly triggered a memory. It was of a very young pregnant girl living with her grandpa. I told my son, Quinn, about her and how he played with his cars and “Grampy” gave him raisins and vanilla wafers. He smiled that lazy, sweet grin that warms me every time. He said, mom what happened? I said well, the baby came and she ended up choosing to place her son for adoption and he now is the age that she was when she gave birth.
Today: I just checked my email and this was in the inbox.
Good Afternoon 🙂 My name is Sara I was reaching out to Amanda just because it has been a lot of years! I gave my son Andrew to John and Linda and was just thinking about how I lost contact with Amanda over all of these years. We are an open adoption success story and continue to be a part of each other’s lives (we attend Andrew’s school plays and they have been out to our house to visit). Not sure if Amanda remembers me but like I said I felt the need to reach out and reconnect. Let her know Grampy is still around and he continues to be amazing!
Sometimes, I wonder how much I say, how much I educate, how much I eat, sleep and bleed adoption, if I make a difference.
Do people remember the person that came into their life at such a vulnerable time? This message caught me off guard. As I am pulling back from the role of coordinating adoptions, I am finding myself wondering where and who people really are?
Did that family mean what they said to Sara- yes they did. Did Grampy mean it when he said, “oh I am going to be around for a long time”- yes he did. Did that woman who sipped her iced tea and asked just the right questions at just the right time mean it when she said, Sara it’s all going to be okay? Yes she did!
Here’s to Sara and her son growing up together, yet apart through adoption.
Names have been changed to protect privacy.