Where Dreams Come True?
Where dreams come true. This is a post, we, Adoption Support Center, made on our Instagram in July 2017. The post still lives there today. It was a sentiment shared inside the walls of our agency for a long time. We want to say this, really good women, with kind hearts, started this agency and worked there over the years. There were no mal intentions. But, at some point, the impact becomes more important than the intent.
Where dreams come true. We’re not sure whose dreams came true inside that little blue house. Ours definitely didn’t. Birth mothers? Adoptees? I’m assuming this answer goes without saying. No woman dreams of placing her child for adoption, experiencing the trauma of being separated from them. Generally speaking, the same can be said for adoptees, too.
We’d go on to argue Adoptive Parent’s dreams didn’t come true either. Did they become parents, their arms filled, and with that given the joy and heartache parenthood brings? Yes, absolutely. Dreams coming true, no, we don’t think so. It’s not that simple. Adoption does not fix, cure, heal infertility or any other “stuff” adoptive parents may bring to the table. That burden should not be placed on an expectant parent considering adoption, and more importantly, on a child.
Adoptive parents are imperfect people just like the rest of us. They go on to face the same things in life we all do. Divorce, job loss, depression/anxiety, relationship strain, health issues, death of loved ones. The list could go on and on. And, yes, they too experience the struggle, exhaustion, grind of parenthood. Gosh, we wonder if some of them felt the pressure of this sentiment, of adoption. “I”ve got to be healed now. My life is complete now. All will be perfect now.”
Where dreams come true. It just doesn’t leave room for the complexity of adoption. The trauma, the grief, the loss. The education and support needed for all involved to start healing.
Where dreams come true? Yes, there really should be a question mark at the end of that statement. We can say this, as an agency, a group of adoption professionals, we’re writing a new dream. One inspired by radical honesty. We hope we’re able to inspire others, specifically other adoption professionals, to join in our quest.